What's in a Relationship?

It has been observed that everybody engages in a relationship with some kind of expectation be it among friends, colleagues, acquaintances, relatives, or even within the close families. As long as we expect love and empathy from one another without any added strings... relationships function smoothly. However, when people have hidden strings attached to the expectations like fulfilling of personal goals, financial gains or motives, expecting other benefits out of a relationship it becomes easily exposed spoiling the essence of that relationship...

Apostle Paul exhorts us on this point by saying
Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another [Rom 13:8 (NLT)]

If we learn to love one another without expecting anything in return except for love...life and relationships would be much easier. Yet not all realize and practice this simple life lesson.

So what would you do if you have loved someone selflessly and that the person at the receiving end has not acknowledged or accepted that love and has failed to reciprocate in return...There is a lesson to learn. We cannot pour buckets of water in the dessert and expect to turn it into an oasis. Instead of giving love to someone who doesn't know the value of it...it is ideal to give to those who knows how to value it and reciprocate equally.

I would like to refer to a quote from Everyday Life Lessons by Angel Chernoff:
Without communication there is no relationship; without respect there is no love; without trust there’s no reason to continue.

The Difference in Paul's Attitude

In 1 Cor 15:10 Apostle Paul says, "But by the grace of God I am what I am..." is a statement which Paul made about himself showing his confidence as a changed man. In today's Christian circle people of God take up this statement and make it their own very easily to show their confidence about themselves or their spiritual stand.

However, each of us are in danger of misinterpreting this statement before making it personal. For instance, I have come across a majority of people who claim that ..."I am what I am by the grace of God" who turn out to be snobbish looking down on others. This is not the attitude displayed by Apostle Paul. If we too are confident of who we are in God, then we will not disregard others or look down on others. We will treat each individual with respect, appreciate their uniqueness and individuality and finally accept their personality trait which may be different from our own.

Apostle Paul was confident of his changed personality and character in God which was a contradicting to his personality and character as Saul. When he was Saul perhaps he was proud and snobbish due to his religious zeal. However, when he changed into Paul as a person, he was aware of his shortcomings, his fallen state as a human being, the ugliness of his self-righteousness or pride, the need for divine grace and mercy to be pardoned and accepted by God; and his ability to stand before God due to the righteousness freely derived on account of Jesus. This realization enabled Paul to have the right kind of confidence in himself in God...

Let us also make this our personal statement by adopting the right kind of attitude like Paul and claim with confidence "I am what I am by the grace of Jesus"...

Free Advice?

Right from the time I accepted Lord Jesus till this date, my perception about following Him was to imitate His ways in doing things, thinking patterns and become a better person keeping Him as my model. My ideology of Christianity was to imitate Him rather than receiving blessings ideology of life. I am aware that I miserably fail at times with my human efforts but I keep striving my best without giving up with a hope that change is constant depending on His grace.

Very quickly even I got influenced by the concept of preaching and I had been an active preacher for years soon realizing the fact that preaching is easy while sincerely practicing the same is difficult. It is so easy to give a free piece of advice to others especially through tough times. Will I be able to adhere to the same when it comes to me personally? I gave up on the concept of preaching since a few years now and I got focused on practicing my faith in my personal life. And again my intention of blogging is not focused on preaching but personal reflection with open room for others to think critically, reflect and take ideologies or concepts that suits people and their lives.

A free piece of advice is an inappropriate profession! It is the most easiest and the simplest task in this world and invariably it is FREE...

Do this...Do that...Don't do this...or that...Instead why not take that question personally.
In spite of telling someone to do something...why not we tell ourselves "Why don't I do that myself?" or "Why don't I mind my own business?"

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (PHILLIPS)

Be busy with your own affairs and do your work yourselves. The result will be a reputation for honesty in the world outside and an honorable independence.

It is ideal to change our ways of thinking, behaving and decision-making rather than wasting our time as well as others by giving a Free Piece of Advice...

A Colossal Habit?

If we ask ourselves genuinely...sincerely listening to our heart's voice..."What have you been doing recently?" (or even years for that matter), we can become aware that most of the time we have been spending talking about others. It can be about...

what others did or did not do...
what they should have done or shouldn't have...
why they did or did not do...

Do we call this 'gossip'? Whatever it be labelled as is not the matter of concern. What matters the most is that we are indulging ourselves needlessly by talking about others actions and behaviors, and exploring reasons or motives behind them.

How often do we spend time by talking about others? Why is it so hard for us to be focused on our own lives with regard to decisions, behaviors, communication patterns, choices, perceptions and attitudes. Why we do get so indulged in others affairs...Is this a colossal habit? Oh Yes! And we soon need to break free from this habit...

Apostle Paul has a good piece of advice for us to do it...

1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV)
and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.

A quiet life and minding our own business will help us stop thinking and talking needlessly about others...

The Good News in the Gospel

Mark 7:35-36 (NIV)
35 At this, the man’s ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly.
36 Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone. But the more he did so, the more they kept talking about it.

Mark 8:29-30 (NIV)
29 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Peter answered, “You are the Messiah.”
30 Jesus warned them not to tell anyone about him.

Have you ever wondered why Jesus asked his disciples and other people not to tell about Him. It can be well seen that Jesus did not adopt strategies to promote Himself. As as far as we have seen in the gospels Jesus did not actively involve bringing people to Himself.  To one man Jesus advised him to go back to his house and share with his family the good news of what God did to him (Mark 5:18-19); to another Jesus laid a criteria for following Him (Mat 19:21) and to some He simply asked them to follow Him (Mark 4:19, John 1:43).Why do you think that Jesus gave different instructions to different people? Jesus could very clearly read the heart and the intentions of men and advised people accordingly.

Jesus did preach the good news of the kingdom of God. It is something like the vast difference between the white and the black, the light and the darkness.He never took efforts to attract people to Himself. There is a difference between telling the truth and bringing people to Jesus. Instead of bringing people to Jesus for healing, blessing, prosperity and other good tidings, it is always better to allow people to make their choices to choose Jesus based on their individual personal experience knowing the fact that those who are thirsty will be filled from the living waters (Isa 55:1, John 7:38).

Preaching the Gospel

One may ask me if you believe that people are going to come to God without preaching how on earth will the gospel spread to the world. Right question. Without preaching the gospel will not spread in this world. But today the gospel is being spread so widely both in effective and ineffective ways. What concerns me more is when the life of people sharing the gospel is contrary to their faith, then their preaching is seldom serving the purpose. Unfortunately, the percentage of this kind of folks is higher than those who sincerely live a godly life and preach the gospel in simple and powerful ways.

In my perception, God has his own ways of reaching to people's heart. Most of them come to Jesus to receive a benefit and then once that is fulfilled or their inner motives are unfulfilled they quit Him and His ways. Anyways, God knows His sheep as well as the goats. What I have observed in my years in the Lord is that if someone is really and wholeheartedly searching to know God, He knows how to guide them in knowing Him. For instance, all my life as far as I remember I had a quest for knowing the deeper meaning of life like: Who is God? What is life? What is the truth?

Years later, I found God (or rather God helped me find Him) and Jesus opened my eyes to see that He is the Life. He is the Truth and He is the way to God (the Father) (John 14:6). Each person who have a deeper thirst in knowing God, He is sure to make a way to know Him. Nobody came to me to preach the gospel, no one convinced me going to church. God has his ways of reaching a man's heart. I am not saying that one shouldn't be actively preaching God's Word. Yes, people of God are chosen to do that.

But as an ordinary child of God each one of us has a philosophy to express faith or preach the gospel in different ways. I am often reminded of what Smith Wigglesworth, a pioneer of Pentecostal Revival did in one instance. Rev. Smith was the most vibrant preacher of God. Once on a visit with his friend, he saw a group of men working on an over bridge construction. Smith walked towards them and his friend was sure that Rev. Smith would seize the opportunity and preach the gospel. However, Rev. Smith did not do so and this surprised his friend. When inquired why he did not tell them anything about Jesus, Rev. Smith replied "I have left behind the presence of God with them and I am sure this will make a difference".

Though Jesus actively preached the Kingdom of God to men, there are many instances which we see where He asked people not to tell what He did. I often wondered why? Jesus never wanted people to go behind miracles... but follow Him with an inner quest of knowing Him (the Way, the Truth and the Life).

Rev. Selwyn Hughes says that there is a deep inner thirst in each soul to know the truth about God and Life. In my opinion a soul that identifies this thirst and pursues the quest of knowing them, then God has His way of reaching that soul...

John 8:32 (NIV)
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

'I am Right' Syndrome

Though we are all believers in Christ we are people of diversity. Diversity in faith comes from our independent personalities, culture, family philosophy and attributes and different theological beliefs. We are all aware that there are different denominations in Christianity and each individual's perspective is different based on their theological understanding and belief.

Irrespective of the fact which theological belief we may follow, we all subconsciously function with "I am Right" attitude. This mentality is not only with respect to believers but is also prevalent among unbelievers. I always used to ponder that instead of pushing my thoughts and beliefs onto others can't I practice my faith with simplicity and humility. Can I not function as God's child without "I am Right" syndrome?

I really don't want to convince someone regarding my faith. I don't even desire to influence someone to buy into my preaching. Then one may wonder how exactly am I preaching the gospel. I really don't need to by creating opportunities...However, if I am truly a child of God in His eyes and if the practicing of my faith is self-explanatory and if somebody approaches me and probes me with questions with regard to my faith then I am sure to talk to them about it.

Personally, I believe that if my life fails to portray my faith and then I am seldom practicing it. I don't need to be perfect...but I need to be honest and sincere...is all what I need to practice my faith. I really don't need to have head counts of people to whom I have actively preached the gospel.

My philosophy of faith in Jesus is simple...

Micah 6:8 (NIV)

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
    And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.

This should be of enough evidence to portray my faith. Besides, my life incidents or what we call testimonies should carry enough weight to serve as evidence that Jesus is indeed alive and working in my life because of His grace and not because of something I deserved to earn it.

Probity?

Probity in other words sincerity is one rare characteristic in this world and it is seldom appreciated. Sometimes we may be considered as worthless for being sincere and it may really hurt someone when their sincerity is degraded. Over the years I have seen that sincerity has never been appreciated by others. Hypocrisy is more accepted as a norm than sincerity. Pretense is considered a better trait as if it is a higher level of diplomacy.

However, the Word of God exhorts believers to be sincere.

Hebrews 10:22 (NIV)

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings...

It is very clear that we cannot relate to God without sincerity. We can pretend to be sincere before others. However, we cannot pretend sincerity before God. Stephen Charnock, a 17th century Presbyterian preacher said "We may be truly said to worship God, though we lack perfection; but we cannot be said to worship Him if we lack sincerity.” 
Sincerity is one trait that God appreciates as He knows us in and out. Hence the author of Hebrews exhorts us to draw ourselves near to God with sincerity. For Jesus accepts us as who we are and edifies us as we are His children.

Similarly, relationships can be affected without sincerity. Hypocrisy or pretense will soon be exposed...as the Bible states "for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known" (Matthew 10:26). Whether in our relationship with God or significant others sincerity is the most crucial component. It is better to be criticized for being sincere than to adopt the strategy of pretense to portray a false self-image.

Trust? Transparency...? Not the World's Way!

One of the interesting topics I have been reading recently is about Interpersonal Relationships. The main characteristics for most relationships that are applicable universally are: trust, liking and commitment. Of all these characteristics trust remains the most crucial one. If we can't trust someone, it is very unlikely that commitment to maintain that relationship remains. This in turn reduces the liking or affinity towards one another. However, to maintain or sustain relationships there are always ways to work out ...and one of the primary one to work on...is trust.

The Word of God touches a lot on the element of trust because it is universally known that trust forms vital part of any relationship. Trust and transparency goes hand in hand. We are able to trust those who are transparent to us. The synonym for transparency is open heart where one is revealing his or her true self or intentions to the other sincerely.

But one might say that this is not the way of the world...This is not how relationship works in the world. Sadly, it is true...This is not the way how the world works. But this is His way...This can be witnessed in the life of Apostle Paul in his letter to the Corinth Church.

2 Corinthians 6:10-11 (AMP)

10 As grieved and mourning, yet [we are] always rejoicing; as poor [ourselves, yet] bestowing riches on many; as having nothing, and [yet in reality] possessing all things.
11 Our mouth is open to you, Corinthians [we are hiding nothing, keeping nothing back], and our heart is expanded wide [for you]!

Apostle Paul was transparent to all those with whom he related. He was a man with an open-heart, sincere and honest with his thoughts,  intentions and agendas. He had no secret motives, no hidden agendas. He was straight up to the point and made things work by being so...and naturally only those who could digest these facts could truly follow Christ accepting Paul's leadership.

Losing the Upward Vision

Recently I read a devotion by Lysa Terkeurst which was an eye opener to me. I have a very bad habit. I fret when people do not respond to the love I show. Each of us have different way of expressing love. I do things for people without they asking me and I shower gifts on them. That is my perception of expressing love. I easily get hurt when people do not acknowledge what I do for them or give back love. I don't expect people to be thankful or be grateful. But I expect them to love me in return.

The devotion by Lysa Terkeurst opened my eyes to something which I never thought of. People who really love us will love us irrespective of the fact whether we do things as per their expectations or not.
Even if we fail to do things as per their expectations they are going to love us anyway. And people who don't really love us will not love us no matter how much we do...

Wow! I never thought of human attitude and behavior in this dimension. I was relieved. It gave me a kind of freedom that I really don't need to work hard to make people love me or even accept me.

Once my co-sister told me which I got reminded of..."Don't have your focus on people. Have your focus on Jesus knowing that He loves you and knows the person you are". Yeah! It is true that I lost my focus on the upward vision. I lost focus on the fact that Jesus loves me...He knows my heart, knows my thoughts, my intentions, motives, behaviors, actions and lack of response. He knows me in and out...

I need to only fear Him and please Him and stop the bad habit of trying to please people to get their love. I decided to change my focus upward.


Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.