Tone of Speech

Rev. Selwyn Hughes state that tone is important in speech than what is being said. He says that it is the tone with which we say it, which makes all the difference about what we say. For instance, the simple word "Sorry" can be said in different kinds of tone. It can said with remorse or can be said with arrogance. The tone of speech represents our emotions as well as our attitude.

Look at what Proverbs say,

Proverbs 15:1 (New International Version)

A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Harshness and gentleness both represents the tone of speech. We can speak either harshly or gently. Both has its own impact- negative and positive.

The Word of God exhorts us to be thus...

Ephesians 4:2 (New American Standard Bible)

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,

When we are like what Ephesians 4:2 states, our speech will surely reflect the right tone in every spoken word.

Minding our business

Communication is important and essential part of human life. However, excess talks can only be dangerous. The book of Proverbs says,

Proverbs 10:19 (New American Standard Bible)

When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,

But he who restrains his lips is wise.

Too much talk can lead to sin in possible ways of gossip, slander, accusations and manipulations. The Word of God says, that a wise person restrains his speech, which means, a wise person talks only essential things and in appropriate ways. May we also learn to talk only that which are essential and beneficial so as to avoid possible transgressions...

1 Thessalonians 4:11 (New Living Translation)

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.

Conviction - whose work?

Many believers in Christ believe that their words should be in a way that brings conviction to others. Conviction cannot be brought about by our words. It is solely the function of the Spirit of God to bring conviction to people (John 16:8).

We do not have the power to convict others by wit of words. However, we are asked to speak words of truth with love.

Ephesians 4:15 (New American Standard Bible)

but speaking the truth in love,

Whether sharing of God's words and wisdom or general conversations in our day to day living, our responsibility is to speak the truth in love. Dot. There is no requirement that we frame up to speak in a way believing that our words will bring conviction and change in people. It can sometimes offend people when we try to convict them by our words. For when we do that we will be judging people rather than helping them realize the truth.

Being Assertive

Communicating Christ-like is to necessarily exhibit words of wisdom, justice and righteousness. When the Lord spoke, people were astonished by His words. When the gospel state that His words were authoritative, it meant His words were words of justice, righteousness and wisdom.

We need to be assertive in speech like the way the Lord did. Sometimes we tend to speak according to people, which they would like to hear or be pleased with. However, being assertive is to say what is right but in way that doesn't offend someone.

Before speaking we should always consider if, 'what we say is whether what we believe and what we would do?'. And if yes, then we should say it but with gentleness and firmness. This is exactly what it means to be assertive i.e speaking what we believe and do.

Apostle Paul said,

2 Corinthians 4:13 (New American Standard Bible)

But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, "I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE," we also believe, therefore we also speak,

May we also learn to be assertive in our speech, speaking only that which we believe and do.

Cutting remarks?

The world teaches us that if we do not know how to reply aptly to those who may offend, criticize, or humiliate us, we will be regarded as weak or a fool. However, giving cutting remarks is not Christ's way. We really need not bother about what others may consider us as long as we are right before God.

May we take a look at what the book of Proverbs says in this regard,

Proverbs 12:18 (New Living Translation)

Some people make cutting remarks,

but the words of the wise bring healing.

As wise kids of God, our words should never offend others or be sarcastic. It should only bring healing to those who hears us speak. When we are offended, cornered, or humiliated we can either respond gently giving a reasonable explanation or remain silent as Jesus did. If we speak appropriately, none will regard us as fools or weak just because our communication display meekness.

Doing what is right...

Sometimes proving ourselves right or winning over an argument may not be as important as doing what is right as God's children. Doing what is right as a child of God is what pleases God, than trying to prove ourselves right. Our motto should be to stand right before God, irrespective of the fact whether others understand us or not. This does necessarily mean that we do not exhibit attitude, arrogance, indifference, rudeness or bad temper in our communications (both verbal and non-verbal), for these are not the traits of God's children.

To stand right before God we need to check ourselves to see if our communication has signs of gentleness, tolerance, humility and self control (both verbally and non-verbally). If by doing so we are still condemned we should not worry for our consolation lie in the fact that we have stood right before God, though we may have not proved ourselves right before others.

Apostle Paul would have faced similar scenarios in his life which is why he stated...

2 Corinthians 6:4,6,8 New Living Translation (NLT)

4.In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind.

6.We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.

8.We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors.

Words of Discretion

Many problems which arise amidst people is due to lack of discretion to communicate appropriately. Most of them assume that by talking aloud with authority or by using words of intellect or being able to win over arguments, they can prove themselves right.

As God's children the Word of God warns us not to get into arguments to prove ourselves right.

2 Timothy 2:14 (New Living Translation)

Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them.

The Word of God states that arguments only ruin the hearer and is useless, for it will neither prove us right nor benefit the hearer. It will also spoil the purpose of communication. We need to understand that we should learn to communicate appropriately showing discretion and sound reasoning, by which we can prove ourselves right. Our communication should be in a way that potrays maturity, tolerance, patience and sound judgement which is contrary to what the world may teach.

Inherited Syndrome

Most of us knowingly or unknowingly suffer from 'blame syndrome'. We blame others or situations for what happens to us or in our lives. This is definitely something we have genetically inherited from Adam who when confronted by God put the blame on Eve for breaking God's rule...

Genesis 3:12 (New International Version)

The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

When will we as matured people learn to take responsibility for our speech, actions, behavior, choices, decisions and consequences of them in life?

Galatians 6:5 (New Living Translation)

For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Dr. Grant. C. Richison comments that this scripture refer to the personal responsibility we need to hold before the throne of God . Each of us are responsible for the life we live, decisions we make and for the words spoken. So let us grow up and become matured enough to take responsibility for our life and well-being.

Exemplified believers

How are believers to be when it comes to speaking? We all know that more than words of high knowledge, intelligence and powerful demonstration of communication skills, what is more essential is the transparency of being, doing and living of what we speak.

Our life speaks more than our words which we may think is unseen by people. But people can read a lot from the way we display our attitude, behaviors, actions and the way we live. Unless our words match with the way we live and do things, our speech is meaningless. May we never be people who speak one thing with our mouth but has something different in our heart...May our hearts be transparent and honest enough to speak what we mean, live and do.

1 Timothy 4:12 (New Living Translation)

Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

Speech and Spiritualism

James 1:26 (New American Standard Bible)

If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless.

The way we speak, react, behave and live has a greater impact on the faith we profess. Our speech and behavior reveal our attitude, motives and perceptions we hold. As children of God we should know how we communicate to others. If our speech does not have any Christ-likeness in it, then our faith which we profess seldom holds a good impact on the hearers.

What we speak, the way we say it and the respect we give to the hearer holds a greater value on us and our faith...

May every conversation we get into reveal that we are indeed God's children and may our faith never be deemed meaningless because of our immaturity to communicate appropriately.

Speech of the Wise - 2

Let us take one more day to see how the wise speaks...

People who are wise do not sing praises of themselves, their praises are sung by others. Nor they are people who give advice and instruction to others unless asked for. Their maturity is something that is obviously seen and not spoken by their own tongue.

Like what the preacher in Ecclesiates says, "Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips" [Ecclesiastes 10:12 (NIV)]

Wise people speak only when required and what they speak always makes sense. Humility and wisdom goes hand in hand. Where there is no humility there is no wisdom and where there is much talk, there wisdom is absent.

Proverbs 16:23 (NIV)

A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.

So let us learn to be wise as God's children and speak the right words appropriately when required and avoid godless chatters and be all that God says...

Ecclesiastes 5:2 (NIV)

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

Speech of the Wise -1

People of this world think that those who are well versed in speech are the ones who are smart and intellects. The amount of words used does not reveal knowledge or wisdom, but the way we use the words and the time it is used is where true wisdom lies.

A wise person knows what to speak, when to speak, to whom to speak and the manner to speak. But only a fool blabbers too many words assuming that him or her is the most intelligent of all. The one who thinks that they are too wise or knowlegeable is a fool. But a wise person is one who always assumes that one is still learner no matter how much they know.

So here is the difference and let us learn to be wise with our words...

Psalm 37:30 (NIV)
The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.
Proverbs 23:9 (NIV)
Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.

Judging- Right or Wrong?

When it comes to judging others we are too quick to do it. None of us are exemption when it comes to judging. The matter lies with the fact whether we are judging rightly or wrongly about others.

People who judge others in a wrong way are often ones who are less considerate. They are too quick to judge others with their words. Whereas people who judge rightly are the ones who give a lot of consideration to others views and perceptions. They don't criticise negatively and do not carry an opinion that they are always right. They respect everybody's view and perceptions and do not go to interfere with others perceptions unnecessarily. They never carry a sense of pride in them.

As children of God let us always be people who are less judgemental for we know what God's Word warns us.

Mt 7: 1,2 (NIV)
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Fighting!?

Do children of God fight? Why not? Are we not also humans? declares a Christian somewhat snobbishly. It is true that we get angry like anyone else, but the expression of our anger need not result in outburts and fights, for it is not Christ-like. There is always an appropriate way of dealing with the expression of anger or disagreement.

I like what Rev.Selwyn Hughes states about disagreeing agreeingly meaning when we disagree with someone, we do it in an agreeable manner not in an unreasonable way. In any form of speech we are to reveal that we are Christ's children indeed, however provoking our opponent may speak.

Galatians 5:14-15 (New International Version)

(v.14) The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
(v.15) If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

If we truly follow this command we can disagree agreeably even with the most irrational opponent.

Hypocrisy

There are many people who speak words and that cannot be counted. They usually wear a facade and it is very difficult to find their true colors unless they are exposed during certain situations. They sound highly spiritual in their talks and prayers yet there would be flaws in their character and attitude. What they are and what they speak do not match. Such hypocrisy is something not right among God's people. The Lord loves those who are honest with their hearts and tongues.

Proverbs 16:13 (NIV)
Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.

Even the King of Kings (Jesus) takes delight in honest lips. Jesus hated such hypocritical teachers of the law who exposed a very pious outlook but inside were rotten.

Luke 20:46-47 (New International Version)
46"Beware of the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. 47They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely.

This is a warning for those who use hypocrisy in their speech. We are to be God pleasers and not people pleasers. So let us talk what we mean from the heart and not speak for the sake of pleasing the hearer.

Slander - No simple issue

When talking about others we may at times mistakenly say something bad about them, without realizing that we are saying things based on our assumptions and not on reality. This is what is called slander. Slandering is no little issue. It is simply saying wrong things about others.The Word of God says that the Lord will put him or her into silence who slanders (Ps 101:5). And no can live with the Lord if they slander.
Look what God's Word warn us in a powerful way...

Psalm 15:1,3 (New International Version)

(v.1) LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
(v.2) He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart.
(v.3) and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman

So let us be careful not to fall into the sin of slandering for the penalty is heavy. Let us always consider before we speak something about someone, so that we talk with a sense of realization and truth. Amen.

Sarcasm

Some people use words of sarcasm that hurt others. No one has the right to inflict words of hurt on others. But there are seldom people who use sarcasm in their speech. They think that they are shrewd and skillful in speaking thus.

Proverbs 12:18 (New International Version)
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

We cannot change such people, but only avoid in-depth conversations with them. But let us atleast learn a lesson from such people and practice to speak words with wisdom that brings healing, comfort and consolation to the hearers.

Dangerous honey

Many of us easily gossip. Though we know that it is not right to gossip about somebody, talking others story is sweet like honey at times. Sometimes without our own knowledge we may be doing hard-core gossiping.

Even believers in the New Testament times got into the habit of gossiping and Paul warns in his letter to Timothy about them.

1 Timothy 5:13 (NIV)

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

Sometimes when we gossip we tend to make the story bigger by adding our version to it. Therefore let us not fall trap to gossip when sharing genuine concerns about someone.

Twin evils

1 Samuel 2:3 (New American Standard Bible)
Boast no more so very proudly,
Do not let arrogance come out of your mouth;
For the LORD is a God of knowledge.
And with Him actions are weighed.

What are powerful warning to those who can afford to talk words of arrogance and pride. The Word of God is punchingly warning us that our God sees all that we speak and the words of our mouth are weighed by Him. Look what the Lord says,

Proverbs 8:13 (NIV)
To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

So let us be careful before we speak and not utter any words of arrogance and pride, for the Lord will put an end to arrogance and humble those who are proud (Isa 13:11).

Tactics?

It is said that a man is known by the company (of friends) he keeps. So are people known by their tongue. As the Word of God says, "For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks" (Lk 6:24) (NKJV) , so are people known by the kind of talks they speak.

Even among the circle of believers you will find people who talk craftily to get their work done. Like a tree is known by the fruit, so is a person known by his/her words.They will use tactics to use people. We should be cautious of such folks.

Job 15:4-5 (New Living Translation)

(v.4 ) Have you no fear of God, no reverence for him?
(v.5) Your sins are telling your mouth what to say. Your words are based on clever deception.

Only people who lack God's holy fear will use tactics assuming that they are smart. But look what Bible says,

Proverbs 12:2 (NIV)

A good man obtains favor from the LORD, but the LORD condemns a crafty man.

So let us be people who will use things and love people rather than crafty folks who love things and use people.